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I just finished watching seasons 1 and 2 of House, M.D. on dvd. Now i started watching the series’ season 3. I tried to watch at list an episode during the day after any chore and before I sleep even if it’s already 3am. I don’t know, but this program got me hooked. Even my kids know who Dr. House is now.

When I was still living in Australia, my husband and I always watch House. They were broadcasting the season 1 then. Unfortunately, before they broadcast the season 2 on tv, I need to go back to my beloved Philippines in 2006. And, more unfortunate, House was only available on cable tv here. We don’t have any cable tv in our house because the cable company won’t allow our subscription since our abode is too far from the main road, so putting long cables just to reach our house is not economical for them…Oh geez, another sad story, the local tv has started showing the season 1 of House just this month, as if it’s good news. Hmm, i am beginning to sound sarcastic like Dr. House.

I usually don’t understand, and obviously don’t know those medical terms, but I have become a fan to this tv series because it makes me laugh and cry sometimes. Worth mentioning is because of Dr. Gregory House - anti-social, usually cranky and loves to mock his patients and even his colleagues - but he has this optimism that any case could be diagnosed and treated, and he’s not afraid to take any risk, even if it means breaking protocols. He has the guts, most of us don’t have or wish to have.

However, watching this complete 2 series of the House made me realize that I am watching this tv program not just for entertainment but also for therapy as well. I like seeing the patients’ pain, how they lie there on their hospital beds, how most of them battle their disease, and i like watching them die. I don’t like some of the blood though. Morbid. But I also admire how they show the grief of loved ones, and even of the doctors - that even if the lives of other human being depends on them, they are still human, too.

But why would i love watching those scenarios? Because I want to experience the grief of watching their loved ones in pain. I never got over my mother’s death in January 2004 because I never saw her die or I didn’t see her get sick either. I went to Australia in June 2003 to pursue my scholarship for my masteral degree. She had a stroke in August, coupled with her diabetes. She was maintaining meds for hypertension even before, but she wouldn’t really tell us if she was experiencing anything bad. My father and siblings would always tell me not to worry, and I thought she was getting better because that was just her first stroke and she was undergoing therapy. The last time I spoke to her was January 6, my brother’s birthday but she said she was feeling better. However, she got worst and sent to the hospital after a few days. Still, my family won’t tell me her real condition. They would just tell me there’s no signal in her room so I couldn’t talk to her. She died January 30. I got this call from my aunt that my mother passed away. She asked me if i was ok, I answered yes. I cried after that, but not too hard. I have never been a cry baby. I flew back to the Philippines to attend the funeral.

But i really never had a chance to mourn. After only eight days I went back to oz to finish my studies, then everything went to normal and had another baby by November. That’s when I really started to feel her absence. It’s hard to admit but I had depression then, post baby blues. I attended some therapy sessions and had an extension to my scholarship because I wasn’t able to finish my studies that semester. At first, those therapy sessions were just to justify that I was really depressed so that I can have the extension, but when I sat there with the therapist and cried my heart out, everything was real. It was easier to tell your woes to people you really don’t know. And even if after every session I felt so worn out, deep inside I was relieved.

I guess you can never really over come the death of a loved one. Specially for me who have lots of ifs that are still haunting me…if only I was able to take care of her even for a short while…if only I saw her for the last time and was able to talk to her before she died….if only I told her how much i love her even for the last time, the words that i don’t usually tell her…lots of ifs. Of course, I am not Dr. House who can solve every medical puzzle and save lives. I can’t stop her death but wished I bade her goodbye properly. It is so hard to let go of the grief because I never saw her lying on the hospital bed, or saw her became paralysed, or saw her last breath. I can only imagine her pain, but my grief is real.

Wheew! Writing this post is a therapy! I know my mother is so happy now, as I have seen in my dream about her. She looked so lovely in a nice dress, smiling and holding a white hanky, smiling. At least, that gives me a little relief knowing that she’s in a nicer place. I love you nanay, and I know you know that! My only consolation, is that I have another guardian angel up there looking down on me and guiding me all the way, like the way she did.

So to end this, I just wish to tell you to always, always show your loved ones, especially your parents how you love them. When we are already busy with our own lives, sometimes we tend to forget our parents and unconsciously think they are always here forever. But they are not. Death is the most stressful event in any person’s life. It may be true, but the hardest part I think is moving on and getting over the grief.

So, reach out to your loved ones now and tell them how you love them…it’s a good feeling!

HAVE A HAPPY LIFE!!!

Dr. house
death
grief

               

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ODE TO MY MOTHER

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Desperate Housewives’ insulting remark to Philippine Med Schools

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This entry was posted on Monday, September 10th, 2007 at 11:21 am and is filed under No nonsense . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.