Letting go of my kids
My eldest Kaye went to her school’s educational trip last Friday. She’s now 7 and in her 1st grade. When I attended the PTA meeting in June, the teachers discussed that educational tours don’t include the parents. Well, I never really thought about that tour until Kaye handed me the approval slip. She was so excited, and she told me her bestfriend (who turned out to be a relative) will come, too. I told her she should ask her dad when we chat that night. At first, I was a bit adamant to not letting her go to that trip, because she’s only seven and this is her first ever educational tour - and without any parent or guardian to go with! Of course, I know her school is one of the best schools here in our city, but hey, some motherly fear still kicks in like, what if she threw up in the bus or got sick during the bus, or got lost, or worst, what if the bus had an accident. And I wouldn’t be there.
When I sent her off to her bus last Friday, I saw her excitement and happiness. When I picked her up from the trip, she has lots of stories to tell and couldn’t stop talking about all the things she saw; the classmate who almost fell in the stingray pool; that she shared her apple with her bestfriend; that she lent her pants to one of her classmates who got sick, and of course, her bus seatmate who threw up at her hat. She has also brought a small fish they all got free from Bio-Research, and got an instant pet for her brothers.
Oh well, however hard we want, we cannot be there physically with the kids all the time. As they grow up, they are becoming more independent from us. They are slowly doing things their own way. Hearing all her stories, I am proud that my daughter is now growing up and she’s doing very well. She’s a bit shy but always make lots of friends. Although I’m happy to see her progress in school and as an individual, sometimes I also dread the day she would be a real grown up and completely be independent from me. Not just Kaye, but also my other two boys, Miguel (4) and Carl (2 1/2). Slowly, they would be coming out of my shadow and have their own lives. And it’s not too far off.
Time flies so fast, and I know, without me even noticing it, my babies would be all grown up. That’s is why, despite my 180 degrees turn from being a careerwoman to a plain housewife, I have no regrets and much happier now. I couldn’t take their cries when I was about to go to work and then asked me, “who will take care of us?” It breaks my heart. Yup, life is harder sometimes, but I cannot exchange a few hundred pesos of work to the smiles of my kids every morning, their triumphs over the legos built, their shriek over the computer games they won, their tantrums, their no nonsense fights, their silly dance, their sweet hugs and kisses, and even the happy kind of stress they give me at the end of the day.
I can always revive a career soon and hopefully land a high paying job that I never had while working for the government, but I cannot go back to those days when my kids are all mine, only mine. I am not being selfish or possessive, but for the time being I just want to take care of them as much as I could and be with them now because life goes so fast, and they are growing fast, too. When Kaye was still our only child, I missed most of her milestones, like her first walk, first talk, and first smile because she’s already asleep when we reached home, and we would go to work when she’s still asleep the following day. It frustrated me to hear my nanay say that Kaye can already do this, or that. When Miguel was born, I had to leave him when he was barely 3 months old to finish my masters degree in Australia, and it was so hard to only hear his cries over the phone and couldn’t see him grow, coo, or even wash his poo. I missed 6 months of Kaye and Miguel because it took that long before they could follow me Downunder!
With my third child, I guess it is payback for all the times I missed with my two older kids. I gave birth in Australia, and I took care of Carl since - no nannies, no childcare, and no help from any relative - until now. Plus my husband is still studying in Australia and although we try to chat with him everyday, I know the kids miss him terribly. I want to give my children all the love they need to compensate for my husband’s affection. I am not a perfect mother, even if I wanted to, obviously because nobody’s perfect. But I don’t want to go through what I have been through before, missing my kids’ little special moments.
I want to be there even in their small milestones and I don’t want to miss anything in their journey towards growing up. So that when the times come they have to lead their own lives, it would be easier for me to let them go…Or maybe parents, specially mothers, don’t really let go. Yes, they watch their children grow and grow old, but a mom always see them as the fragile infants she gave birth to, cradled and nurtured.
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you named your youngest Carl???
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Yup, but not from Boss Carl.hehe. Actually when we were thinking of a name, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy was being shown in Oz. Albert was so keen on naming the baby Carson! I opposed of course! So we just agreed on Carl Andrei! Andrei after my tatay, Andres.
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your husband’s still in australia? guess it must be hard for you and the kids. I’ve heard that Australia is quite strict with their rules now. You must be enrolled in a professional course to be able to stay and now they changed it again. I’ve got a friend who just was deported back because she needs to have work experience met before applying to stay over plus the financial requirements that comes with it, to think that she has already studied for at least 2 years (which supposed to be waved already). Immigration found out now that many overseas students just apply in order to work and stay so they have changed it. hope your husband’s profession’s in demand to make it all worth it.
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hi! thanks for visiting the site. Yes, immigration laws in Australia change almost every year, but Oz is open for migration so they obviously know that most students go there to study then apply for residency later. I think they know that Australia will benefit more if most migrants would have Australian education first. Plus, they lose nothing coz as a matter of fact, international students pay double in tuition fees. So I don’t think they are against students who apply for residency. You don’t really have to finish a professional course, but it’s better if your chosen field is included in their Skilled Occupations List (SOL). I am sorry about what happened to your friend. Just got puzzled why she’s deported. ‘Coz if she didnt get the residency, she just needed to go home before her visa expired so there’s no need for deportation, unless she stayed in Oz illegally after that. Moreso, there’s a new visa available to graduating students so they can comply with the required work experience, the graduate skills visa. Why your friend didn’t avail of that?
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hi again, danette! Funny but based on your IP address, you’re coming from Melbourne, Australia, too. Where in Melbourne do you live? We used to live in Brunswick.
Hope you enjoy reading my blogs!
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hi! yes, having a vacation here at armadale, will go back to phils in a few weeks.it was a pity for this friend of mine ‘coz she wasnt given a chance coz she wasnt able to provide enough financial capabilities to extend her stay to gain her skill to apply for PR. the immigration learned too, because they traced her history that the money she provided when she was doing her course wasnt hers after all..it was just borrowed and put onto their bank account, making it look like it was their own.too risky.didnt know that immigration could trace such a thing. and what you’re saying about the graduate skilled visa, yes, thats exactly the visa she did apply.but the bad thing about it is that its only good for 6 months and cant be extended (that is its restriction).and 6 months didnt allow her to fully meet the criteria of having the prescribed number of hours of experience and being able to apply for all the requirements necessary to gain her PR…so bad luck for her.
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hi, again! yup, immigration can be so tough sometimes. When my husband was still applying for his student visa, they didn’t honor the bank account we presented from here. They said they couldn’t tell if the money is really ours. I thought the graduate skills visa is good for 18 months? It’s in the immi.gov.au site. About our plans, we’re still crossing our fingers with lots of prayers, of course!
Enjoy your stay in Oz, and enjoy the shopping in Bridgeroad,hehe.
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the problem she experienced was thru the assessing body she needs to go thru which is VETASSES. She did apply for the graduate skilled temporary visa but got denied by the assessing body because she couldn’t meet the requirements with them, specifically the work experience,thats why immigration couldnt grant her the visa.if only she realized that she should have worked in-line with her profession while she was studying, it might have made a big difference.one piece of advice too, dont go beyond the allotted working hours, they do check now! well,goodluck!
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wow, with your knowledge of immigration issues, I am now starting to think if you’re really just a tourist downunder or a migration agent! :-D!
can’t still figure out though why she got denied because based on the info in IMMI website, the basic purpose of the graduate skilled visa is for the student to gain the enough work experience before applying for residency. So obviously, you don’t need the job experience when you apply for that visa because you just finished your course! Unless, there could be some sabotage somewhere from heartless souls who would do anything to ruin a person’s wish to have a better life - oops, sorry, that just crossed my mind coz a close friend experienced that before. But that happens you know, and the sad part sometimes is when fellow pinoys do that to other pinoys rather than helping out.
Oh, this immigration issues are just nickel-and-dime compared to God’s greater plans for your friend and my friend, as well,and for sure to all of us, too! So i think we should give it a rest, shouldn’t we?
God bless!
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not really,just got hooked with my friend’s problem.but if you think you are on the right track then go for it.lots of luck.God Bless you too!
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Yup, thanks for sharing your friend’s experience and I know some people would get bit of idea that Oz immigration laws are becoming tougher. I also hope that your friend’s handling everything positively coz when God closes a door, He opens some windows. Just like us, we’ll try oz but we also have plans B & C, just in case. We have to plan well for the kids and in every step, I know God will always be there.
Enjoy the rest of your stay in Melbourne and I hope you like my other blogs. Cheers! G’day, mate!
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