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I would like to share with you two very touching letters.

TAKE 1: The first letter is from Carlo Cruz, whose wife, Leslie, is one of the casualties in the Glorietta blast of October 19. Carlo sent an e-mail to his e-group asking for prayers for Leslie and at the same time sharing his grief. It was already published in inquirer.net and could be circulating in many emails now.

Reading Carlo’s e-mail left me so teary-eyed as he recounted his story of that tragic incident. I couldn’t measure how his heart and dreams were shattered that day, especially when Carlo told all his regrets, and what he should have done to prevent what happened to her. However, I admire him for facing bravely this fate, and openly admitting his grief. My heart’s broken, too, when he wrote, ”Today’s the fourth day. It is still terribly difficult to breathe, let alone wake up realizing that your source of strength, your best friend, doesn’t lie beside you on your bed.”

His advice to other couples hit me. Quoting Carlo, “All I want now is for each of the couples here to cherish each moment that we spend with our loved ones.” Though I think his advice is applicable not just for couples, but also to everyone, to every person we care for. You can read the entire letter in this link: Losing Leslie: Hubby grieves, gives advice.

TAKE 2: The second letter is a reply to Carlo’s letter by fellow blogger Mr. Danny Mendiola. I learned about Carlo’s letter thru the website of kuya Danny, aptly titled “My Take Two”. I am really thankful to him for letting me publish his letter here in my site and grateful to him once more since i am using the title of his blogsite. I really admire his insightful reflections, and how i wish when i reach his beautiful age of 65, i’d be as sharp and wise as him.Like Kuya Danny, I also believe in second chances - because more often than not, God gives as another shot in life, not just a take 2, even take 3, take 4 - countless! Kuya Danny has said it well, “life is not just a one-shot deal from God. That there is life after a botched marriage, a failed vocation, a broken relationship or even after a life-threatening illness; that God’s love is unconditional ready to give us a second chance, or even a third, fourth, ad infinitum…”And he is right, it may take weeks, months, years or even a lifetime to manage grief as we move on with our lives, but only us can tell when we should stop grieving. Here is Kuya Danny’s reply to Carlo, and I know all those hearts that are still suffering the loss of a loved one would be comforted upon reading his letter, just like me:

29 October 2007

Dear Carlo:

I am one of many who received your e-mail about your wife Leslie and the details of your last moments together prior to and immediately after the blast at the Glorietta 2 that fateful afternoon of October 19 more than a week ago.

Actually, two people sent it to me: my eldest daughter Eliza Paz (Pizza) who had received it from her e-group — the same e-group that you had sent it to – the Discovery Weekenders and also from my own CEFAM (Center for Family Ministries) e-group.

I am writing you now because I want to share with you and with the many Filipinos in the information highway who have read your e-mail my thoughts about it.

I am writing maybe because you could have been my son and Leslie my daughter-in-law. On a deeper level, I am writing because I feel a kinship with you as a Christian and human being. No, I am not writing out of sympathy; but out of what we call compassion. It is a reaching out that I hope approximates Christ’s own compassion in reaching out to others in grief.

And so, I will not tell you to “be strong for Amber’s sake, kaya mo yan!” because I do not know you and it may not be what you need to hear from me at this moment. More so, because Leslie’s death is so unique you yourself don’t even know now kung kaya mo nga ba talagang dalhin ito at kung hanggang saan. We can only pray you will.

I won’t console you and say: “I know how you feel”, because that is not compassion and I truly don’t know how you feel now and I am certain I never will.

I won’t tell you that “it’s ok; anyway you still have Amber”. Because Leslie is Leslie and Amber is Amber. I am sure they are both the loves of your life but each one is so much different from each other so that never can one be a substitute for the other.

I will not tell you that “it is ok and just accept it because anyway, it is God’s will”, because He may have allowed it, but I do not think that it is God’s will for Leslie to die that way. He is not that kind of God I know.

Neither will I ask you to “stop grieving and move on”.

I will instead ask you to go ahead and grieve because it is a way to healing; and grief is good because Christ also grieved for His loved ones. You can also move on, albeit slowly, while managing your grief. You see, grief is also deeply personal. It may take weeks, months, years or even a lifetime even as you are moving on. Only you can tell when you no longer have to grieve.

In the process of grieving, you may want sometimes to be simply alone or be with friends but continue and tell your story to anyone who would care to listen. You may remain to be in a denial mode, get angry, and even depressed. Just hold on. In the end, you will settle down and begin to accept that Leslie is indeed gone.

Let me tell you also that I wish to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your advice to all of us “to cherish each moment that we spend with our loved ones” because we do not know when the end will come. I agree wholeheartedly that this is “pretty simple to say, (but) very easy to take for granted”.

And yes, Carlo, my family and I will continue to pray for Leslie, even beyond her 40^th day, “so that her path to God’s kingdom will be well-lit and she will no longer be in the dark”.

God bless.

After reading both letters, I hope we offer some prayers for Leslie, like what Carlo has requested, and also for the others who lost lives in the Glorietta blast.

On a personal note, losing a loved one is truly an inevitable part of life and grieving is a part of the healing process. Yet, overcoming the loss is not easy, leaving you in a haywire sometimes, like what happened to me when I lost my mother three years ago. Though I could say I have moved on, my healing within is not yet completed - I guess it would never be. As I have said in my previous blog article about my mother’s death, it is so hard to let go because I never saw her lying on the hospital bed, or saw her became paralysed, or saw her last breath. I can only imagine her pain, but my grief is real.

So I’ll just follow Kuya Danny’s advice and take my time - even if it takes me a lifetime.

               

Related posts:

The Unborn Child’s Letter from Heaven

Holding on to grief and Dr. House

TLC for our old loved ones

Why I Love Being Married

100th POST - Part II - Thanks!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 11th, 2007 at 1:05 pm and is filed under Inspirationals, Life Challenges, Love and Relationships, Uncategorized . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.