Getting myself back
First, I apologize for not posting enough blogs for the last couple of weeks. I am sooo busy with my current teaching job. This is my first time to teach and I am still adjusting. I am teaching Physics 1 and 2, quantitative mathematics, and an elective subject (my only non-brain draining subject). It’s hard to get in during the middle of the semester, coz I am just a substitute for an instructor who’d be on leave for a year. I have to prepare my own teaching materials, but I also need to study again!!
Whew! I never thought teaching would be so hard! I am so wasted when I go home every night! But I am starting to love it. It’s a nice feeling to dress up again, which I missed when I stayed at home for more than a year. I wondered then if I could wear my nice clothes and stilletos ever - now I am excited to prepare my wardrobe (and matching shoes) everyday.
Teaching also uplifted my losing self-steem. Don’t get me wrong, being a stay-at-home mommy is truly rewarding and the hardest, but most fulfilling career I had. Being a fulltime mommy really tested my patience and resilience to problems. I learned that life’s true happiness come from the simplest things, and in the process knew myself better and appreciated life more. However, during my first months of being a fulltime mommy, I experienced some hate crimes from people I barely knew, sending me lots of sms for months telling me I am a no-good wife for letting my husband take all the financial responsibilities. They also tried posting comments here, which I just spammed. The hate crime happened just a few months after I resigned from my job, which I had since I graduated from college in ‘97. I wonder if all stay-at-home mommies get the same kind of insults from judgmental morons. Ooops, sorry for the harsh words. I am still a bit traumatized with that experience - the first time that ever happened to me. But I know my capabilities and I know myself better. I’ve been the breadwinner for the family ever since, so is it a big sin for me to stop working for a while and take care of the kids? I never thought taking care of my children would be a big crime.
Anyways, God is really so good and He puts everything in their right places. After I had those bad experience, and being a fulltime mommy for more than a year, I just can’t refuse the offer to teach. One, the university is just 20 minutes away from our house, compared to my previous job in Makati where the commuting time is more than 4 hours a day. No more traffic and rush hours, so lesser stress but more quality time for the kids. Before, I was adamant of having a household help, but luckily my father recommended a good kasambahay, and so far so good. When I go home every afternoon, I always try to bring pasalubong for the kids, a box of donuts or some treats, and they are all excited to see me. Plus, my youngest Carl is already 3 1/2 years old and he’d be in nursery school by next school year in June. So I think the “weaning” should start now, coz every morning when I bid him goodbye, we always have “crying” moments.
Teaching is fun and yet tiring, and it’s rewarding, too. It’s a nice feeling when the students call me maám, and when they greet me good morning or good afternoon. I am getting back my confidence, which I admit dwindled a bit after I received those nonsense sms and remarks, because somehow I questioned my selfworth - which I shouldn’t have. Being a mother is the greatest role of all. I tried not to get affected but still I was traumatized. I never thought there are “kontrabidas” in real life like those in telenovelas and movies who would do everything to jeopardize a person’s life. But hey, at least they made my faith stronger! God knows the truth and He’s my assurance in everything - ALWAYS!
So, I AM BACK!!! MORE BEAUTIFUL AND HAPPY!!! 
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welcome back =]
teaching is such a fascinating profession and vocation- i can totally relate to the rollercoaster of emotions that come with it: at times frustrating and exhausting, but mainly fulfilling and a delight to be in. blogging allows us some time to be in another realm; but then again, we blog about teaching still, so the latter is not really and never will be a separate compartment of our lives…
i pray that you continue to be used by God as His instrument of love for His creation- our students =] keep the faith. teachers rock!
ian’s last blog post..Appeal to support the calamity victims in Eastern Samar
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you go girl!
don’t mind those morons. what doesn’t kill u makes u stronger right?
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